Say always yes to what other people wants, makes us unable to decide, it makes us creditors instead of debtors and provides certain approval from others. But choosing that path we give up a lot of things.
Everyone knows articulate the word 'no', and yet, how many times we have it hidden in the throat? The repeated trend to say yes when you want to say no would seem a good strategy to avoid conflict, to please others or be one more in the group. Experience, however, tells us that just ends complicating our life. Is this hypocrisy or disability?
Underlying this problem hides itself insecurity, which drives to seek the approval social and welcomes the fear of rejection and not to be valued or not taken in mind. Hence arises also the effort to fall well, to adapt to what is imagined that the others wait, to give a good image (friendly, diligent, compassionate, generous, tolerant ...). This basic insecurity arises also fear disappoint the expectations of others, to avoid giving the height, and the misconception that only by sacrificing one's own needs will be achieved valuing others.
Many people find it hard to recognize their own needs and impose certain limits in a given area. In the most extreme cases, the person is trapped in this quest to adapt and to please others, which departs from itself, hampering their social relations, left more vulnerable to abuse and, closing the circle, becoming more insecure if possible.
Valuating oneself
To overcome this difficulty and learn not to get carried away by others at the time to take decisions must be understood that our views are, at least, as significant and valuable as those from others. We must not forget that only us enjoy or suffer the consequences of decisions taken and, therefore, worth daring to assume what we think, feel or want, and do so according to our own values and priorities of life.
It is not easy to learn to say 'no', gradually overcoming insecurity, defending the ideas in which we believe and what we want, to be able to set limits to what can exceed us or brake who would abuse us... But any process of overcoming hides the fascination with what makes us human: our ability to grow and broaden personal horizons. El esfuerzo merece la pena. The effort worthwhile.
Strategies to be able to say no
Investigate to oneself. It is important to consider a number of issues for us to understand why it costs so much to say 'no'. What is my bigger fear by giving a negative? What people or situations I find it more difficult to refuse?
Gain time. It's useful to gain time before answering, in order to clear things and take forces to expose our way of think.
Discover our wishes.Should ask for what you really want, beyond what others want. En algunos casos ambos deseos serán parejos, en ocasiones la persona puede decidir adaptarse, pero en otras la mejor decisión puede consistir en negarse. In some cases, both wishes will be uneven, sometimes the person may decide to adapt, but in others the best decision may be to refuse.
Expressing clearly. As a refusal can be unpleasant it is important to ensure the way it expresses:
- Recognize the needs and feelings of the other person.
- Explaining why the proposal is rejected, calling on their own needs and feelings.
- Do not blame or manipulate (to achieve co-operation of others is usually not a good measure to make them responsible for their own ills).
- Ensure that the other person has understood the decision.
- Offering alternatives keeping in mind the mutual needs.
Stay strong. Once a decision has been expressed is important to maintain it, or reach a renegotiation.
